Article # 8

based on the interview with Barbara-Lynn Taylor, M.Ed. on “Raising Your Kids”

Aired on WXII-12

Wednesday, March 31, 2004

BOOSTING YOUR CHILD's SELF ESTEEM: PROVIDE OPPORTUNITIES FOR SUCCESS AND PRAISE EFFORTS TOWARD THOSE GOALS

from “Self Esteem is the Key”, Part One of the video-based parenting program, Successful Parenting

Boosting your child’s self-esteem is not as difficult as it may seem. In fact, it can be quite simple. In this article, we’ll discuss two straightforward ways parents can raise the self-esteem of their children. First is to provide opportunities for each child to feel success. Building on that, parents should praise efforts toward each goal.

Activities provide opportunities for success. When we do something well, we feel good. If we as parents don’t introduce, encourage, or allow our children to do activities, how are they ever going to feel proud? It’s hard to feel proud of yourself for sitting in front of the TV all day.

It is important that each child in our family has something that he/she is good at doing. It may be sports, volunteer work, music, crafts, or whatever, as long as that child has a chance to shine. It is hard to always live in someone else’s shadow.

Although it may be hard to understand at first glance, another way we parents can help our children feel success is to have them do chores. The chores need to fit the children’s ages and abilities and they shouldn’t take too much time. Children may complain a bit, but if you teach them to do something and they do it well, down deep they’ll feel proud of themselves and that will build their self-esteem.

Today’s families are so busy that often we parents don’t think we have the time to let our children do things for themselves. We don’t have time to teach our children to tie their shoelaces. We tie them for them or we buy Velcro shoes. We have only twenty-five minutes to fix and eat lunch so we make the peanut butter and jelly sandwich instead of letting our child do it. Somehow we need to slow our lives down! We need to be patient enough to let our children take five minutes to do something we could do in ten seconds.

When our children bring papers home from school, we have another chance to help them feel success. It’s a good idea to take the time to look at the papers together. Focus on what they did that was right. Display some of the papers in a special place like on the refrigerator.

Think about what you do when your child brings home a report card. Do you talk about the good grades? It’s easy for us parents to jump on the bad grades first, isn’t it? Grades should tell the students and the parents where the child is doing well and where the child needs to improve. Bad grades do not mean the child is a bad person. They don’t mean the child can’t improve. They are merely messages that help us to help our children.

Yet another way we as parents can boost the self-esteem of our children is to praise efforts toward a goal. When our children are toddlers, it’s easy to praise them and even to cheer for them when they accomplish something. Do you remember when your children first walked across the room? You probably smiled, clapped, laughed, and maybe even took pictures or videos. That helped your children continue to progress and it boosted their self-esteem.

When children get older, we parents wait for them to reach a distant goal. Only then do we let them know they did well, or perhaps they never get any praise from us because they never complete the process. It would be better if we encouraged steps along the way.

Let’s say that your daughter is learning to play the recorder at school. Instead of waiting until she can perform a song perfectly, compliment her when she gets the first part right or tell her the sound of her notes is good even if her rhythm is not right yet. Praise efforts toward the goal.

Another example would be cleaning up the kitchen. Let’s say your twelve-year-old son is cleaning up the kitchen after dinner. Instead of waiting until the kitchen is cleaned to perfection, you could say, “You did a nice job of putting away the leftovers,” or “You washed the dishes well,” or “The counters look very clean.” That keeps him moving along and it lets him know that even if he can’t do it all perfectly, there are things he can do well. That carries over to other situations and enhances self-esteem.

In conclusion, there are many ways parents can help to boost the self-esteem of their children. Giving opportunities for children to feel success and praising efforts toward those goals are two of those ways. They are not difficult and they can make a world of difference. Give them a try!

NOTE: Barbara-Lynn will be joining Chris and Kimberly every Wednesday morning at 6:30 on WXII-12 for “Raising Your Kids”.

If you have comments, questions, or would like to share your best parenting practices with reference to our topic, please e-mail Barbara-Lynn at blt@successfulparenting.