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SCHOOL
SUCCESS TAKES TEAMWORK: MIDDLE SCHOOL: YIKES! THEY’RE
ALMOST TEENAGERS! How did it happen so fast? They were just babes in our arms and now they are almost TEENAGERS! Yikes! And it’s time for the much-discussed/often dreaded/usually called “nightmare” that is middle school. What can we parents do to help our children at this challenging time in their lives? First and foremost, we need to recognize that our children’s peers are far more important to them than we are, and that’s normal. Whereas what seems like just a few short months ago, they were happy to snuggle in our laps and give us big hugs and kisses, now they wouldn’t be caught dead doing that…at least not in front of any of their friends. (Although a hug might truly be welcomed when offered in private.) But, because they would rather spend time with their friends, conflicts may arise, like on Thanksgiving when our picture of the perfect day has every member of the family cozily sitting in the living room together, smiles on our faces, talking, playing games, and watching football games, while their idea is to get out with their friends as soon as the turkey is picked clean, It’s times like these that call for compromise between parents and almost-teens such as staying for the formal dinner part and then going out with friends. Another area on which we parents need to focus, but without compromise, is having our children complete chores every week. The difficulty and time required depends on the child and our personal expectations, but the important factor is that doing chores consistently helps pre-adolescents learn responsibility and dependability and that spills over to their schoolwork. It also affects the way they will approach tasks in the future. The most difficult part for the parent is insisting on a quality job. It is easy for children this age to gloss over chores just to get them over with. If we allow that, we are actually reinforcing them for doing a poor job and that is what we can expect to get from them from then on, be it in schoolwork, chores, or work on a paid job. Even if it takes us longer than it would have for us to have done the chore ourselves, we should stay “on” our children until the job is done correctly and thoroughly. If we keep our standards high and they know we mean business, they will learn that it is better to do it right the first time. As parents of pre-adolescents, we have an important role to play in their health. Their bodies are still growing and developing, so it is important that they get eight to nine hours of sleep every night. That is tough to regulate, especially in a society where it seems to be a rite of passage to stay up later and later. Sometimes providing information such as a book, an article or a physician’s statement that the sleep is important will help, but usually either the children will not be able to concern themselves with the health of the organs they’ll have as adults or the urgency of “I-ming” a friend takes precedence over reason. Another possible idea, therefore, is for the parent to limit distractions such as televisions, video games, or computers, or “screen time” as one parent called it. It is preferable, however that our children make their own decisions and not that we parents impose restrictions. We want the children to have an internal locus of control as an older teen and adult. Therefore another alternative might be to tell our children that they may make their own decisions regarding bedtime as long as they can get up as soon as the alarm rings in the morning without complaining or pushing the no snooze alarm because those are used by sleep-deprived people. If our children can’t get up when the alarm goes off ready to start the day, then we should first explain the logic of going to bed earlier. If that too doesn’t work, we should step in and limit the distractions that are keeping them from their sleep and insist on a set bedtime on school nights. Perhaps a compromise on weekends could be arranged. A final suggestion for this very difficult dilemma is to teach our children “Self-Contracting”. Responsible adults often use this method of making themselves do something unpleasant. In self-contracting, we make a promise to ourselves that we can do something pleasurable only when we have accomplished something else that we don’t really want to do. When the unpleasant task is accomplished, then we reward ourselves. Pre-adolescents can learn to watch a TV show or call a friend after all work is done, but keep it short enough to get in bed at an appropriate time. This is a very challenging problem for parents because, in addition to the “rite of passage” aspect, studies have shown that the sleep cycle of teenagers actually creeps later and later, causing them to become “night owls”. That makes it particularly tough to get up and function well at school in the morning. This is one reason why some schools are moving the start time for older children to a later time. A second aspect to good health is eating nourishing meals. As pre-teens begin to eat more and more meals away from home, it becomes increasingly difficult for parents to be sure of the nutrition their children are getting. We also live in a world where junk food is king, even, with only a few exceptions, in school cafeterias. Being a dietary watchdog is an important role we parents should play even though we surely will meet resistance. The best chance we have here is educating our children as to how nutrition affects growth, energy level, attention span, and even coordination. As our teens better understand the short and long term physiological effects of poor nutrition, we hope they will respect their own bodies enough to make good choices. Interestingly, a general sense of high self-esteem will contribute to the respect that leads to compliance with good health habits. Athletes who have goals and respect their bodies are one group of teens who understand the importance of their diets. So, focusing on the suggestions in the “Self-Esteem is the Key” series can actually help in teen nutrition. It’s tough! And, middle school is just the beginning! Just wait until high school! |
